On Being Enough

This isn't really a single coherent blogpost. The writing in it was never intended to be shared as a blog, but I came across it and thought I'd share. I really loved the reminder that this brought to me when I re-read it today, especially as there are similarities between the season I was in then and the season I am currently in. It's a few journal entries that I wrote during the summer of 2016.

7th August 2016

It is not possible to maintain the belief that we are not enough for God without also adopting the belief that God is not good enough for us. If our salvation comes from His grace alone, then any doubt in whether or not we can receive that salvation is really a doubt in His ability to extend it to us. If you or I truly believe that we have lost our access to God's love, that we are beyond the threshold of His grace, or that we have disqualified ourselves from His story, then really we are believing that God is not as powerful as His word says He is, for His word says that His sacrifice can cover all people and all sins.

'Good enough' can never be about us. It can never be about our talents or achievements or ability to resist temptation. If it were, we wouldn't stand a chance. 'Good enough' can and will only ever be about our good, good Father.

9th August 2016

When God put His plan for our salvation into place, He did not attach a scale to it. Whether we are one mark or a thousand marks from perfect, our need for grace remains the same. Even if we get as close to perfection as humanly possible, we will still not have done enough to earn our salvation. However, even if we get as far from perfection as humanly possible, we will still not have done enough to disqualify ourselves from receiving it. God's grace for salvation is always available; we can never DO enough to earn it, but we will always BE enough to receive it. 

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I am enough when I look temptation in the face and say "no, I'm living for Jesus"; I am still enough when it strikes again and I say "OK, just this once."

I am enough when I am celebrating victory and dancing with joy; I am still enough when I am kneeling at the alter, heart aching and tears flowing.

I am enough when I am embracing community and loving my neighbours; I am still enough when I am hiding away, overwhelmed with anxiety and withdrawing from reality.

I am enough, exactly as I am.

11th August 2016

I think I have finally come to a place where I can acknowledge the fact that I will never DO good enough without also believing that I will never BE enough. Yes, I have weaknesses - be those sin, struggles or mindsets - and yes, those weaknesses mean that I am not good enough to earn my own salvation, but they do not mean that I am not enough to receive it. God, in all His goodness, gives His grace freely and lovingly to anyone who wants it. Nothing about it is conditional. 

God is good, and I am enough. Through His grace alone, I am made good enough.

Taking on Challenges

A couple of years ago, my dad trained for and completed a half marathon. I remember watching him cross the finish line, feeling inspired to one day achieve the same thing. Afterwards, I told him that next time I was going to run the half marathon with him. I didn't.

I did start running with him though. I remember the first time we ran and I wanted to stop and walk before we even reached the end of our road, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me walk at all. So we ran until we got home and by the end of it I was completely exhausted. We were only running 8 minutes. 

The next time we went, I wanted to stop and walk again; and again, he wouldn't let me. But this time, his refusal to let me walk was grounded in one fact: he knew I didn't need to. By refusing to let my give up the first time, my dad had proven to both of us that I was capable of running the whole way round, regardless of how convinced I was that I couldn't. It became a mind-body battle, but my mind had a head start. My dad had instilled within me the knowledge that I could win, so I kept running. Each time that I ran without giving up, I was providing my mind with the confirmation that it needed to succeed, and each time I finished, I felt like I had achieved something. Not quite a half marathon, but something nonetheless. 

The thing is, that sense of achievement wouldn't have been so if it hadn't have been a battle to start with. If there was never any element of challenge - if I was naturally capable of running as far as I wanted to with no desire to stop - what would I have achieved? I'd have done something, but I wouldn't have achieved it. That sense of achievement is important, because it provides the encouragement needed to face the next challenge too. 

I think at the minute I'm starting to surrender to challenges, rather than viewing them as opportunities to achieve. That's not what my dad taught me on that first run - he taught me to run at any obstacles head on and defeat them. He taught me to embrace them as opportunities to grow and improve, and I'm certainly in need of improvement. I think it's time for a change of perspective. It might take a lot of mental will-power and a lot of perseverance, but its a necessary step towards achievement. 

As they say, a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.